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Does anybody walk anymore?

So your coming home from work. You had to use the bathroom at Grand Central Station but you figure “I can hold it” You blast your ipod and in 20 minutes you have reached your stop and now you have to walk home. For some reason, that urine you have been holding in is starting to get more painful. With every step it is starting to hurt more and more. You may even have a little surprise along with urine at this point and now life is no longer fair. This unrelenting pain is so insane, that now you have to stop walking and stand hunched over as people pass by staring at you. It looks as though your building is getting farther and farther away even though you walk closer towards it. “Ok I can do this”. U negotiate a weird noise on the inside of your stomach and buy yourself 5 more minutes of time. But your insides have let you know…5 more minutes and its time to release some stress in the form of the team of “yellow and brown” So you reach your building. Its a cool 55 degrees but your sweating. You go to open the door to your building and quickly reach for your keys that have to be on the bottom of your bag. Door opens, and your ready to run through. Then you make the biggest mistake of your life.

For some reason, you turn your head. Why in the world did you turn your head. Your having an out of body experience and if you could you would smack yourself right now. You turn your head, and someone who lives in your building is walking towards the door. Now you HAVE to hold the door for them. They are basically whistling as they walk and then they notice your act of kindness. Their face lights up as they realize they have been taking their sweet time and they jog to the door. At this point you want to “lose yourself” in your pants. You get to the elevators and now you have to small talk with this person because you live in the same building. You stare at where the elevators are. 4, 3, 2, Bingo!. Then you realize that you have just taken the elevator with Satan. This human, who you held the door for lives on….the 2nd floor. You live on the 7th. This mid 30’s dude couldn’t take the stairs? If you live on the 2nd floor, have no groceries, no kids, and are riding the elevator with someone else… it should be a law that you should take the stairs. If not, you deserve to leave that elevator covered in “yellow and brown”.