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To Pay Some More Taxes!

I know you’ve heard horrible stories about everyones Uncle. Uncle Tom who keeps eying your sister at family functions. Or Uncle Bob who steals money out of the collection plate every Sunday. Or even the horrible Uncle Ralph who’s doing three life sentences for a 25 person killing spree. Sadly none of those crimes come close to that of Uncle Sam.

First off, this guy is everybody’s Uncle. So in fact he had sex with someone in your family to make himself your Uncle in the first place. That’s already something rude on his part. Second of all you never get to see him. When was the last time you guys saw your Uncle Sam? I haven’t seen him ever. But he knows I exist, he sees me every time.

Now for the most damaging part of our Uncle Sam. This guy, who by the way we’ve already established had sexual relations with people in our family and never has the decency to come see us. Every time you get paid he comes and takes money away from you. How messed up is that? Doesn’t matter what you buy, this mofo Uncle Sam is here to give it to you at every turn. Wanna buy a cheese burger? Sure they advertise it as a dollar. But it’s more than that because you gotta give Uncle Sam his eight freakin cents. What the hell does he do with all this money? He even puts up posters telling you that he wants you for something. What could he possibly want you for? He wants you to join the army, pay taxes and be his personal slave. The best part about Uncle Sam is that his relatives are in something we like to call the government. You ever tried to fight the government? Exactly, Uncle Sam can’t lose.

So the next time you think about how bad your uncle is, remember Uncle Sam is out there to get you….one way or another. Only one thing is worse than Uncle Sam, and that’s his wife Sallie Mae….but that’s for another post.